Big Tech - SiliconSnark (Page 2)

The SiliconSnark robot sits bewildered in front of a trillion-dollar ticker display while holding a much smaller IPO target sign.

Big Tech

Anthropic Is Now Worth $1 Trillion, $880 Billion, or $400 Billion—Pick Your Favorite Number

The safety-first AI lab just hit a trillion-dollar valuation on secondary markets while planning an IPO at less than half that. Silicon Valley’s relationship with math continues to evolve.

The SiliconSnark robot sits at a Las Vegas conference table staring at a stage screen showing Google, Apple, NASA, and Papa Johns

Big Tech

Google Spent $175 Billion, Landed Apple as a Cloud Customer, and Still Had Time to Build Papa Johns an Agent

At Google Cloud Next 2026, Google announced Apple as a preferred cloud partner. Yes, that Apple. I had to sit down too.

The SiliconSnark robot standing in an art museum holding a placard reading “This is not a screenshot."

OpenAI Is Killing DALL-E. Its Replacement Was Tested Under the Name “Maskingtape-Alpha.” This Is Not a Screenshot.

DALL-E dies May 12. Its replacement was secretly A/B tested under tape-themed codenames. OpenAI announced this with a cryptic tweet and zero ceremony.

Big Tech

Google Is Ready to Challenge Nvidia. The Chips Are Ready to Be Designed.

Google wants to dethrone Nvidia with custom inference chips. The timeline: 2027, roughly. Las Vegas is this week. Weezer is playing Thursday.

The SiliconSnark robot ices the word "ISING" onto a quantum computer in a cold blue lab while a screen shows calibration time remaining at 6 hours.

Big Tech

NVIDIA Named Its Quantum AI ‘Ising’—The Icing on a Hype Cake 40 Years in the Making

NVIDIA just made AI the operating system of quantum computers. Quantum computers, still not useful, had no comment.

The SiliconSnark robot in a bowler hat reading a panicked telegram at a Victorian bank desk while a British banker calmly schedules a meeting.

Anthropic Made an AI So Dangerous It Can’t Be Released. The British Have Scheduled a Meeting. In a Fortnight.

Anthropic built a hacking AI that terrifies governments on two continents. The UK’s response: urgent discussions, in the next fortnight.

The SiliconSnark robot monitors a wall of screens showing autonomous AI agents at work

Big Tech

For Eight Cents an Hour, Anthropic Will Babysit Your AI Agents — With More AI

Anthropic, the company literally built around AI safety, now runs your autonomous agents autonomously. At $0.08/hour. The math on this is fine.

The SiliconSnark robot emcees a flashy product launch for "Muse Spark" while a llama walks into the sunset on a giant screen behind it.

Big Tech

Goodbye, Llama. Hello, Muse Spark — Meta's $14 Billion Bet on an AI That Contemplates

Mark Zuckerberg spent years insisting open-source AI was the future. Then he spent $14 billion on the opposite — and named it Muse Spark Contemplating.

The SiliconSnark robot acts as referee between rival AI company representatives shaking hands reluctantly, as a red dragon watches through a boardroom window.

Big Tech

OpenAI, Anthropic, and Google Just Formed an Alliance — The Enemy Learned Everything From Them

Three companies that built empires on other people’s data just united against someone using theirs.

The SiliconSnark robot surrounded by Microsoft 365 app screens, leaning back in an office chair next to a monitor showing a service outage error.

Big Tech

Anthropic Gave Claude Access to Your Entire Microsoft Life. Claude Spent Monday Morning Offline.

Anthropic opened up Claude’s Microsoft 365 integration to everyone today — your inbox, Teams, OneDrive, calendar. Then Claude went offline for two hours. Presumably to reflect on what it had just agreed to.

SiliconSnark robot hosts a sleek TBPN podcast while holding “OpenAI Talking Points,” as rival AI logos fade in the background and new competitors plot behind glass.

Big Tech

Sam Altman Bought His Favorite Tech Show. The Editorial Independence Is Definitely Going to Be Fine.

OpenAI just acquired TBPN — Sam Altman's admitted fave — and pinky-promised independence. The show now reports to a lobbyist.

SiliconSnark's robot grins in a brunch restaurant turned trading floor as people finance small peer-to-peer payments like major debt instruments.

Satire

Cash App Introduces Buy Now, Pay Later for Venmo-Style Shame Transfers

Cash App now lets you amortize the humiliation of owing your friend $38 for tacos. Fintech has finally found a way to turn friendship into structured debt.

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