AI
Nvidia Hits $4 Trillion Market Cap, Promptly Declares Itself a Sovereign Nation
SiliconSnark robot celebrates Nvidia’s $4T market cap in a fiery AI-fueled Wall Street meltdown.
Launch
Marquess Core AI Promises 700% Returns, 1000% Vibes
Marquess School Global claims its new Core AI can deliver 700% crypto returns with radical transparency—because nothing says trust like algorithmic fortune-telling.
Deals
CoreWeave Buys the Plug: $9B Deal Sparks AI Power Grab
CoreWeave acquires Core Scientific for $9B in a power-hungry push to dominate AI infrastructure.
AI
Cloudflare to AI: You Shall Not Crawl (Unless You Pay, of Course)
Cloudflare now blocks AI crawlers by default, pitching it as a revolution for publisher control—two years after letting the internet get scraped to oblivion.
AI
Anthropic Creates $50K Grants to Study the Wreckage in Its Wake
Anthropic’s Economic Futures Program gets the SiliconSnark treatment in this satirical look at AI’s impact on jobs and the economy.
AI
Cyngn and NVIDIA Showcase AI-Powered Autonomous Forklifts and Robotics Tech at Automatica 2025
In today’s episode of “What If We Just Automated Everything and Called It Innovation,” Cyngn has announced it’s teaming up with NVIDIA to bring us simulated forklifts.
AI
J&J Launches “Polyphonic™” AI Fund to Make Surgery Smarter, Safer, and Definitely More Marketable
Johnson & Johnson’s Polyphonic™ AI Fund brings Big Tech into the OR to back AI tools that make surgery smarter, safer, and just a bit more trademarked.
AI
Fujitsu’s New AI Will Present Your Deck, Dodge the Q&A, and Probably Replace You by Q4
Fujitsu launches a multilingual AI avatar that gives presentations, answers questions, and eliminates the need for human dignity in meetings.
AI
AMD Unleashes Buzzword Barrage in Attempt to Out-AI Nvidia
AMD promises 10x performance and 276x less rack usage—powered by buzzwords, benchmarks, and desperation to dethrone Nvidia.
AI
Sam Altman Explains How AGI Will Upend the World in a Calm, Soothing Tone
Sam Altman casually announces the singularity, assures us it’ll be chill, and then describes a polite robot uprising.
AI
Can Aive’s AI Make Video Editing Fun Again? €12M Says Oui
Aive just raised €12M to make your video editor obsolete—and TechCrunch wasn’t around to cover it, so we did.
This Week in Snark
This Week in Snark: AI Flexes, VCs Cheer, and Your Calendar Gets Monetized
A snarky roundup of this week’s biggest AI and tech stories—from billion-dollar deals to rebellious chatbots.