Verkada Raises $200M to Define Security in a Way You Didn’t Know Needed Defining

In the latest thrilling installment of Tech Companies That Swear They Invented Something New, AI-powered security camera darling Verkada has just raised a breezy $200 million. That’s right—two hundred million American dollars, which is either going straight into product development or straight into hiring more people to write press releases that sound like they were generated by a Large Language Model hopped up on corporate espresso shots.

The company calls itself “category-defining.” Which category, exactly? No one knows, but presumably it’s something like Overfunded Surveillance Startups With a ‘Friendly’ Cloud Interface That Could Totally Be Used for Creepy Office Power Plays, But Trust Us Bro.

In theory, “category-defining” means they’re doing something so innovative that it needs its own label. In practice, it’s the marketing version of saying “my kid is gifted” when you really mean “my kid just yells the loudest.”

Six Product Lines, One Cloud to Rule Them All

Verkada proudly touts its six product lines—video security cameras, door-based access control, environmental sensors, intercom systems, workplace management tools, and alarms—all lovingly funneled into a natively integrated cloud-based software platform. That’s corporate-speak for “we built an app where your boss can monitor everything, from who came in late to how much CO₂ is in the meeting room.”

And now, thanks to AI magic, you can search that mountain of surveillance data with natural language prompts. Forget digging through endless hours of grainy footage. Instead, you can type in:

• “Show me every time Greg looked suspicious near the supply closet.”
• “Pull up every moment Dave hovered near my yogurt.”
• “Find me footage of anyone wearing Crocs in the lobby.”

And boom—the system will dutifully serve up your evidence, whether it’s relevant or not, because AI is incredibly confident even when it’s wrong. By the time HR gets involved, Greg’s already lawyered up.

A Quote from the Throne Room

Verkada’s co-founder and CEO, Filip Kaliszan, naturally took this moment to declare how amazing it is that more than 1.5 million Verkada devices are online “protecting people and places across the globe.” Which is a beautiful sentiment if you’re into that sort of thing. If you’re not, it’s a chilling reminder that a small army of AI-powered eyes in the sky now comes standard with your office badge.

Let’s be real—“protecting people and places” is PR for “making sure Todd in accounting can’t sneak out before 5 PM.”

Totally Not Dystopian, Don’t Worry About It

Of course, Verkada insists this is all perfectly normal. More AI, more cameras, more funding—it’s just progress. And sure, there’s technically nothing stopping this tech from being used for, let’s say, “overzealous corporate babysitting” or “politely authoritarian neighborhood watch programs.” But why dwell on that when you can marvel at the seamless user interface?

Because here’s the thing: while your gym’s cameras might still be fuzzy enough to make everyone look like Minecraft characters, Verkada’s gear is crisp, clear, and terrifyingly searchable. This is less Who stole my lunch? and more Who stole my lunch at precisely 1:14:07 PM on April 3, 2025, wearing a green Patagonia fleece, and what’s their astrological sign?

Why Investors Are Throwing Money Like Confetti

So why would investors toss $200 million at a company whose pitch is basically “What if Google Search, but for every move you make in a building?” Easy: surveillance is big business. Between corporate security, school safety, and the fact that everybody loves a shiny dashboard, there’s an endless appetite for tech that promises control wrapped in convenience.

Also, AI is the magic word. Slap “AI-powered” on literally anything right now—an office chair, a toaster, a pigeon—and someone will hand you a check with a lot of zeros. Verkada has been in the AI surveillance game long enough to ride that wave like a pro.

The Unofficial Use Cases (We’re Just Guessing)

While Verkada markets its cameras for “safety” and “efficiency,” you can imagine some unofficial, totally hypothetical scenarios where the tech might come in handy:

• Petty Revenge – Need to prove Carol from HR microwaves fish every Thursday? Done.
• Fashion Policing – Ban Hawaiian shirts from the office and actually enforce it.
• Snack Justice – Finally solve the great granola bar heist of 2025.
• Micro-Napping Detection – AI flags employees who nod off during the Monday all-hands.

Not saying you would use it this way. Just… you could.

The Bigger Picture: We’re Already Living in the Pilot Episode of Black Mirror

The real kicker here is how easily this blends into the background. Five years ago, the idea of asking an AI to comb through weeks of video footage to see if someone “looked nervous” would have sounded like bad sci-fi. Now it’s just Tuesday.

Verkada has mastered the art of making high-grade surveillance feel like a productivity tool. It’s the same genius that got us to carry location-tracking devices in our pockets and call them “phones.”

What’s Next for Verkada?

More funding usually means more product launches, more aggressive marketing, and more we-swear-we’re-not-creepy campaigns. Expect:

• Even more AI “insights” about human behavior
• Tighter integration with access control so the door actually locks when you hover too long near the snack cart
• Expansion into markets where cameras are as common as light switches
• Possibly a TikTok channel featuring oddly wholesome clips of cats wandering through office lobbies at 2 AM

Final Thoughts: Say Cheese, Forever

Verkada’s $200 million raise cements it as a serious player in the AI security camera arms race. Whether you see that as a win for safety or a loss for privacy probably depends on whether you’ve ever been falsely accused by an algorithm.

For now, just remember: when you walk past a sleek black camera mounted in the corner, somewhere in the cloud there’s a database tagging your every move. Maybe even your facial expression. And maybe, just maybe, one day an AI will summarize your entire Tuesday as: “Looked suspicious near the supply closet.”

So smile for the cloud. You never know who’s watching.