“Hey Meta, Make Me Look Cool”: Oakley and Meta Drop $499 AI Glasses for Sporty Show-Offs

If you thought the future of AI eyewear couldn’t get any more bro-y, think again. Meta and Oakley just birthed a new “category” of “Performance AI Glasses,” also known as sunglasses with a chip, a speaker, and a superiority complex.

Behold: the Oakley Meta HSTN (pronounced HOW-stuhn, presumably because “TechBroSportShadeZ” didn’t make it past brand). These are Ray-Bans’ more athletic, more water-resistant cousin. The kind of cousin who won’t shut up about hypertrophy, tracks “sleep performance” as if it’s a competitive sport, and has three Whoop bands—one for each wrist and one for the ego.

Backed by a global marketing campaign starring actual superhumans like Kylian Mbappé and Patrick Mahomes, the Oakley Meta HSTN is clearly not made for you. But hey, for just $499, you too can pretend you’re the main character of your own Adidas ad. No training, championships, or actual athletic accomplishments required—just enough confidence to wear a small computer on your face in public.

Specs You Didn’t Know You Needed

Here’s what $499 gets you:

• A 3K camera, because if your wind-assisted golf shot isn’t in Ultra HD, did it even happen? Sure, you could just tell your friends you hit the green in two, but now you can shove cinematic proof down their throats—complete with your heavy breathing.
• Open-ear speakers, so you can listen to Joe Rogan, your self-affirmations playlist, or that one EDM track you swear “boosts performance,” all while still hearing your coach yell, “Stop filming and run the drill!”
• Meta AI, which lets you ask essential life questions like, “Hey Meta, how strong is the wind?”—a revolutionary feature that completely replaces flags, weather apps, and common sense. Pro tip: just don’t ask it how many reps you have left; the answer will always be “one more.”
• Water resistance to IPX4 standards—translation: “fine if you sweat like a normal human at SoulCycle,” but not “fine if you believed Meta when it told you it was safe to paddleboard during a storm.”
• Battery life that lasts 8 hours, with a 50% quick charge in just 20 minutes, and a case that moonlights as a power bank with a trust fund. The case itself probably has a better credit score than you.

Performance AI Glasses: Because Just Doing Sports Isn’t Enough Anymore

Remember when you played basketball without needing to record every play? Meta doesn’t. Neither does Boo Johnson, who apparently now skates while shouting, “Hey Meta, take a video”—a completely normal and not-at-all attention-seeking move to do mid-ollie.

And in case you needed another excuse to post 3K footage of yourself doing one shaky pull-up, the Oakley Meta HSTN is “for athletes and fans alike.” Translation: for every Patrick Mahomes using it on the field, there are fifty Chads live-streaming their “soft launch” back workout. Expect a flood of gym content where the only real cardio is the influencer sprinting to adjust the tripod.

The pitch is all about “amplifying human potential,” which in practice means turning every physical activity into a branded content opportunity. You can’t just surf—you need to livestream the wipeout, add an AI-generated caption about “embracing the grind,” and then post it to six platforms before your wetsuit dries.

The Cultural Implications Nobody Asked For

Let’s be real: these aren’t just sunglasses. They’re a wearable declaration that you view reality as something best experienced with a HUD overlay and a content calendar. Once upon a time, Oakley was the choice of Olympic cyclists and Navy SEALs. Now it’s the choice of people who “train” for marathons by jogging in Lululemon to pick up cold brew.

The real selling point isn’t the camera, the AI, or the speakers—it’s the social currency. Wearing these signals you are in the game, whether that game is the NFL playoffs or an Instagram Reel where you rank protein powders. It’s the athletic equivalent of a luxury watch: sure, it tells time, but the real value is in the sideways glances from strangers who recognize the brand.

And let’s not overlook the privacy optics here. We’ve reached a point where every pickup basketball game could be secretly recorded in high-def, audio included. That’s great news for anyone trying to relive their glory dunk; less great for the guy who trips over his own foot and becomes the star of a viral “Fails” compilation.

Availability: Bring Your Wallet and Your Wi-Fi

• Preorders open July 11 at a very reasonable $499—because nothing says “casual accessory” like a price tag that rivals your rent in 2008.
• A wider collection drops later this summer, starting at a less-reasonable-but-still-ridiculous $399, for those who want fewer features but the same judgmental stares.
• Available in all major markets: US, Europe, Australia, and—naturally—the inside of your gym locker.
• Coming soon to Mexico, India, and presumably the mirror section of your local Equinox, where the lighting will be perfect for your debut 3K content.

Real Talk: What We’re Actually Buying Here

We’ve officially entered the era where your sunglasses have more processing power than your laptop did in 2012. Oakley and Meta’s marketing says these “amplify human potential.” What they really mean is “make you easier to market to, market with, and market as.”

The company line is that these are for serious athletes. But let’s be honest: the serious athletes already have dedicated cameramen, personal coaches, and custom analytics tools. The rest of us are just buying the dream that putting these on might make our Tuesday jog feel like an Olympic qualifying run.

In reality, the Oakley Meta HSTN is perfect for:

• Golfers who want to slow-mo their swing so they can ignore the real problem (it’s you).
• CrossFitters who can now capture every angle of their kettlebell snatch for “form review” (but really for Instagram).
• Weekend warriors who believe the only thing standing between them and pro status is better gear.

So, should you buy them? Well, if you have $499 lying around and an unshakable belief that every single one of your workouts deserves a multi-angle highlight reel, absolutely. If you’re content with your current sunglasses doing the unglamorous job of just protecting your eyes from UV rays, you may want to sit this one out.

Final Verdict: If your golf game sucks, at least your glasses will look good doing it. And if your golf game is great, congrats—you just bought the world’s most overqualified GoPro for your face. Either way, welcome to the future, where even your eyewear is an influencer.