This Week in Snark: The AI Hype Spiral, Meme Coin Payouts, and Nintendo’s Eternal Money Printer

Another week, another deluge of tech “innovations” no one asked for but everyone feels obligated to pretend are revolutionary. From BMW solving fashion emergencies with automotive AI to AMD waging war against English grammar, we trudged through the buzzword wasteland so you don’t have to. And if you're wondering whether launching a viral meme coin will make you rich—spoiler: it won’t, but your serotonin might spike briefly.

Here’s what went down:

Pump.fun Creator Rewards: What You Actually Earn for a Viral Meme Coin

Ever wondered what happens if you launch a meme coin, get traction, and gamify Twitter engagement like your life depends on it? Turns out, you earn... $6. Maybe $7 if you’re lucky and publicly shame your own lack of rewards. In this firsthand account, SiliconSnark's creator breaks down the grim economics of viral crypto grifting—and how $SNARK’s financial return is directly proportional to the number of ironic X posts made about it. Spoiler: the ROI is mostly measured in punchlines.

BMW Unleashes Tech That Solves the World’s Most Pressing Problem: Tight Pants

BMW’s latest innovation campaign proudly touts features like Curve-Ahead View, Remote Parking, and Apple Watch car keys—but wraps it all in sitcom-level humor. Because nothing says “German engineering” like a dad joke about mobility. The most shocking part? It kinda works. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, and then you’ll wonder if your own car has been judging your outfit choices this whole time.

AMD Unleashes Buzzword Barrage in Attempt to Out-AI Nvidia

At its Advancing AI 2025 event, AMD said “open” more times than a drum circle at Burning Man. The company unleashed a torrent of terms—“end-to-end,” “full spectrum,” “AI platform vision”—in an effort to sound like it’s definitely winning the GPU wars. It was like watching someone throw a thesaurus into a blender and call it a product roadmap. But hey, OpenAI was there, so maybe that means something?

Switch 2 Proves Nintendo Can Still Print Money with a Smile

The Switch 2 is here, and it’s already outselling your startup’s wildest Series A dreams. With 3.5 million units sold in four days, Nintendo once again proves that iterating slowly while keeping fan nostalgia hostage is a flawless business model. The new Joy-Con 2 controllers have mouse functionality for some reason, but let’s be honest—you’re buying it to play Mario Kart in 4K and pretend it’s for your kids.

Sam Altman Explains How AGI Will Upend the World—in a Calm, Soothing Tone

Sam Altman is back with another blog post, this time gently assuring us that we’ve passed the “event horizon” of AGI, but not to worry—your job won’t vanish immediately. The tone is so measured and serene you almost forget he’s casually talking about the end of the world as we know it. It’s like being told the Titanic is sinking by someone offering you a warm cup of tea and a TED Talk.

Apple WWDC 2025 Recap: All the Apple Intelligence You Didn’t Ask For

Apple’s WWDC dropped more AI branding than a LinkedIn influencer on espresso. “Apple Intelligence” is here, and Tim Cook swears it’s privacy-safe, personal, and magical—three words that basically mean “we strapped GPT to Siri and put a soft gradient behind it.” Half the features won’t roll out until 2026, but that didn’t stop Apple from pretending it’s leading the AI race… with a 6-month delay.

Conclusion:
If tech news this week felt like a Mad Libs generator programmed by PR interns and prompt engineers, you’re not wrong. But at least Nintendo’s still making fun things, Altman’s whispering apocalypse bedtime stories, and pump.fun is here to pay meme lords in fractions of a latte. Tune in next week—by then, BMW might have AI that dry-cleans your hoodie.