Deals - SiliconSnark

SiliconSnark robot reclining on a couch surrounded by floating GigaCloud logos.

Deals

GigaCloud Buys a Furniture Company, Proves the Cloud Has Finally Come for Your Couch

GigaCloud’s $18 million furniture play reminds us that the line between “B2B marketplace” and “mid-century sectional wholesaler” is thinner than anyone imagined.

SiliconSnark robot outside Meta’s massive Hyperion AI data center, holding a lease agreement with itself.

Deals

Meta’s $27 Billion Hyperion Data Center: The Newest Home for Your AI Overlords

Meta partners with Blue Owl Capital on a $27 billion data center “campus” to fuel its AI ambitions — and probably train your digital clone.

SiliconSnark robot shakes hands with a glowing data brain inside a futuristic corporate tower, parodying S&P Global’s $1.8 billion purchase of “With Intelligence.”

Deals

S&P Global Buys “With Intelligence” for $1.8 Billion, Proving You Can Literally Buy Smarts Now

S&P Global is buying “With Intelligence” for $1.8 billion, expanding its empire into private markets data—and proving you can literally buy intelligence now.

SiliconSnark robot overlooking Boston skyline with Starry antennas glowing across rooftops, symbolizing Verizon’s acquisition and the rebirth of Boston tech optimism.

Deals

Verizon Buys Boston’s Starry, Proving Hope Still Travels Faster Than Fiber

Boston-based Starry, once a wireless broadband underdog, is getting a second life as Verizon acquires it to expand fixed wireless access to millions of urban households by 2028.

SiliconSnark robot with pixelated glasses stands atop a glowing Postgres elephant as dollar bills rain down, celebrating Supabase’s $5B valuation.

Deals

Supabase Raises $100M at $5B Valuation, Proving Databases Are the New Rockstars of AI

Supabase raises $100M Series E at $5B valuation, co-led by Accel and Peak XV. Here’s why Postgres is suddenly the hottest backend for AI-driven development.

Cartoon-style illustration of the SiliconSnark robot mascot wearing pixelated sunglasses and holding a giant glowing penny above its head.

Deals

SiliconSnark Secures $0.01 in Funding, Proving Even Pocket Change Can Disrupt Tech Media

SiliconSnark secures a historic $0.01 from Cents.VC—proving even a single penny can disrupt the startup world. Satire, snark, and tech parody at its finest.

Cartoon robots in a semiconductor fab holding oversized wafers labeled “Synergies” and “Secular Tailwinds,” with CircuitSmith the SiliconSnark robot smirking in the background.

Deals

Axcelis and Veeco Merge in a $4.4 Billion All-Stock Deal: Because Nothing Screams “Innovation” Like Consolidation

Axcelis Technologies and Veeco Instruments announced a $4.4B all-stock merger to create a leading semiconductor equipment company. Here’s the snarky breakdown of what it really means.

SiliconSnark robot at a convention holding a badge printer and blockchain ticket, surrounded by bold-font hype banners.

Deals

Nextech3D.ai Buys Eventdex for $700K: A Tiny Deal With Big Jokes About Bold Fonts and Blockchain Tickets

Nextech3D.ai acquires Eventdex for $700K in cash. Snarky breakdown of blockchain ticketing, bold-font press releases, and why this deal matters.

SiliconSnark robot looks bored at a boardroom table stacked with cash as IAS and Novacap execs shake hands under a $1.9B deal banner.

Deals

IAS Sells Itself for $1.9 Billion—Because “Trust and Transparency” Apparently Require Private Equity Backing

Integral Ad Science (IAS) Acquisition by Novacap Explained, with Just the Right Amount of Snark

Futuristic 911 call center with glowing AI dashboards and a small SiliconSnark robot holding an “AI Did This” sign.

Deals

The AI-ification of 911: Axon Acquires Prepared to Rewire Public Safety

Axon is acquiring Prepared, an AI-powered 911 platform. Here’s why “AI-enhanced emergencies” might sound efficient but really look like another play for public safety monopoly.

SiliconSnark robots guard a glowing office door labeled “The New Front Door for Work,” handing dashboards and compliance binders to a confused employee.

Deals

Workday Acquires Sana: Super Workers, AI Dashboards, and the Death of the Old Office Door

Workday buys Sana for $1.1B to become the “new front door for work”—because AI agents generating dashboards was the missing piece of corporate life.

Cartoon-style SiliconSnark robot eats alphabet soup labeled “Series K” with dollar signs rising in the background.

Deals

Databricks Hits $4B Run-Rate, $1B in AI Revenue, and a Series K That Proves Alphabet Soup Has No End

Databricks crosses $4B revenue run-rate, $1B in AI revenue, and raises a $1B Series K round at a $100B+ valuation—complete with new buzzwords, Agent Bricks and Lakebase.

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