Crypto - SiliconSnark

The SiliconSnark robot wearing a banker’s visor, juggling Bitcoin and FDIC paperwork in a glowing digital vault.

Launch

SoFi Crypto Trading Launches: The First National Bank Where You Can Save, Spend, and Ape Into Bitcoin

SoFi Bank becomes the first FDIC-insured, nationally chartered bank to launch crypto trading for consumers. Here’s what it means for crypto, banking, and the future of regulated speculation — with a dash of SiliconSnark’s signature satire.

SiliconSnark robot at a convention holding a badge printer and blockchain ticket, surrounded by bold-font hype banners.

Deals

Nextech3D.ai Buys Eventdex for $700K: A Tiny Deal With Big Jokes About Bold Fonts and Blockchain Tickets

Nextech3D.ai acquires Eventdex for $700K in cash. Snarky breakdown of blockchain ticketing, bold-font press releases, and why this deal matters.

Cartoon SiliconSnark robot with glowing red sunglasses flips Polymarket tickets beside a neon “CFTC APPROVED” sign in a casino-meets-Capitol Hill backdrop.

Crypto

Polymarket’s U.S. Return: Prediction Markets, Politics, and Profits Collide

Polymarket secures CFTC approval to re-enter the U.S., reigniting debates over prediction markets as financial tools or digital casinos.

Crypto

Kanye West’s Meme Coin Disaster: The YZY Token Pump, Dump, and Fan Exploitation

Kanye West crypto hypocrisy: said coins prey on fans, then launched one anyway.

A satirical cryptocurrency price prediction chart for $SNARK coin shows a jagged red line with green dots labeled “1 Month” and “10+ Years,” alongside a huge yellow upward arrow.

Satire

$SNARK Price Prediction: A Completely Made-Up Forecast for Our Favorite Meme Coin

A satirical $SNARK coin price prediction mocking bogus crypto forecasts with absurd 1-month to 10-year “analyses” based entirely on nonsense.

SiliconSnark robot in a tech office boasts “700% ROI” while a confused intern looks on.

Launch

Marquess Core AI Promises 700% Returns, 1000% Vibes

Marquess School Global claims its new Core AI can deliver 700% crypto returns with radical transparency—because nothing says trust like algorithmic fortune-telling.

Cartoon robot celebrates meme coin rewards with dollar bill and cheering frogs.

Crypto

Pump.fun Creator Rewards: What You Actually Earn for a Viral Meme Coin

How creator rewards on Pump.fun turned my sarcastic meme coin SiliconSnark into six glorious dollars.

Robot surfing on $SNARK coins with tech icons and fireworks in a vibrant digital world.

Crypto

Trump’s Crypto Wallet Is Here. SiliconSnark’s $SNARK Coin Says ‘Same Energy’

Trump launches a crypto wallet, so SiliconSnark responds with $SNARK—satire you can actually trade.

Watercolor illustration of a Nasdaq trading floor with a giant eToro-branded roulette wheel labeled with options like "Meme Stock," "Crypto Winter," "Regulatory Fine."

Deals

eToro Lists on Nasdaq: Now You Too Can Buy the Hype and Hold the Bag

eToro is officially IPO-ing at $52 per share, because clearly the market was missing one more way for retail investors to feel clever before being humbled.

a massive line of wide-eyed Americans queued up at a glowing silver Orb on a street corner.

Crypto

Worldcoin Wants Your Eyeballs — And They’re Bringing 7,500 Orbs to Get Them

World, the company behind Worldcoin, has officially launched in the U.S., unleashing a horde of “Orbs” — those sci-fi metallic beach balls that scan your eyeballs to confirm you’re a real person.

This Week in Snark

This Week in Snark: Cables, Coins, Close Your Rings, and Cyberattacks

Welcome back to This Week in Snark, your weekly field guide to the absurdities of the tech-industrial hype complex.

Crypto

Shill or Be Shilled: A Deep Dive into the Meme Coin Promotion Industrial Complex

A Deep dive into the world of meme coin promotion. This exposé traces the global history of meme coin consultants and promoters – from the innocent Dogecoin days to the present rogues’ gallery

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