Satire
Cash App Introduces Buy Now, Pay Later for Venmo-Style Shame Transfers
Cash App now lets you amortize the humiliation of owing your friend $38 for tacos. Fintech has finally found a way to turn friendship into structured debt.
Big Tech
Microsoft's Superintelligence Team Has Arrived—They Made a Transcription Tool
Microsoft launched a 'MAI Superintelligence' team six months ago to achieve AI self-sufficiency from OpenAI. Today's debut: a speech-to-text model. The countdown continues.
Big Tech
Perplexity Had an Incognito Mode. It Allegedly Forwarded Your Secrets to Google and Meta.
Perplexity sold itself as the honest Google alternative. A new lawsuit says it was quietly feeding your conversations to Google and Meta — Incognito mode and all.
Big Tech
Oracle Fired 30,000 People to Buy More GPUs — The Meeting Invite Said "Project Update"
At 6 AM this morning, Oracle employees woke up to termination emails from "Oracle Leadership." The reason? Larry Ellison needs more GPUs.
Anthropic
The AI Safety Company Just Found Its True Purpose — A $60 Billion IPO
Anthropic is reportedly going public as early as October. Constitutional AI, meet quarterly guidance.
Big Tech
Mistral Borrowed $830 Million From Seven Banks to Buy American Chips and Call It European Independence
France's most celebrated AI champion just declared sovereignty from US tech infrastructure — and it only took seven banks, Abu Dhabi's money, and 13,800 Nvidia GPUs to do it.
Big Tech
Apple's Bold iOS 27 AI Strategy Is Mostly Just Asking Gemini and Claude to Handle It
Siri is getting smarter in iOS 27. Specifically, it's getting smarter by routing your questions to AI assistants that are actually smart.
OpenAI
Sam Altman Delegated AI Safety to Go Build Datacenters. The Next Model Is Called Spud.
OpenAI's CEO handed off safety oversight so he could focus on fundraising and concrete. Meanwhile, Sora is dead, Disney is gone, and the future of AGI is codenamed Spud.