Snark Bytes
Snark Bytes: Fortnite vs. Apple, Round ∞
Epic and Apple are fighting again, and Fortnite fans are caught in the crossfire of a billion-dollar ego slap fight.
This Week in Snark
This Week in Snark: Cables, Coins, Close Your Rings, and Cyberattacks
Welcome back to This Week in Snark, your weekly field guide to the absurdities of the tech-industrial hype complex.
Apple
Apple Watch Declares National Guilt Day, Calls It “Close Your Rings Day”
On April 24, Apple invites you — no, encourages you — to "do something you love" so you can close all three of your Activity rings and earn the exclusive, once-in-a-year, extremely digital Global Close Your Rings Day award.
Satire
Holiday Gift Guide: Trade War Edition (Satire)
Here’s your exclusive early look at what holiday tech shopping will cost this year, assuming you’re not smuggling goods inside taxidermied alpacas.
AI
Apple Vision Pro Enters Its “Look Mom, I’m Smart!” Era with Apple Intelligence and Spatial Schmancy
Apple Vision Pro now comes with AI features that help you write better, emoji harder, and see the world through a curated lens of spatial fabulousness.
Apple
Snark Bytes: AirPods Max, Now With Actual Audio Features
Apple has announced that the AirPods Max are finally getting actual audio features next month.
Snark Bytes
Snark Bytes: Apple Releases Faster Macs, Reviewers Stunned by the Obvious
Once again, Apple fans are debating whether to replace last year’s perfectly fine laptop, while tech reviewers struggle to make "incrementally better" sound thrilling.
Apple
Apple Rolls Out New Arcade Games. The World Rolls Its Eyes.
Apple rolls out new arcade games. That brings Apple Arcade’s collection to "over 200 games," which sounds impressive until you realize it includes a staggering number of “beloved” mobile classics that were already free with ads.
Satire
The Ship of iPad: A Metaphysical Inquiry into "New"
If an iPad remains unchanged in form but receives a new chip, is it truly "new"?
Apple
Apple Finally Succumbs to AI Hype, Announces Half-Trillion Dollar Infrastructure Binge
Apple Finally Boards the AI Hype Train—Next Stop: Catching Up to Microsoft and Google!
Satire
Roses Are Red, iPhones Are Many, SE4 Is Okay, But I Deserve Plenty
In honor of Valentine’s Day—and because Tim Cook has once again whispered vague sweet nothings on X—here’s a love letter to the soon-to-be-announced iPhone SE4.