Switch 2 Proves Nintendo Can Still Print Money With a Smile
Nintendo breaks records with the Switch 2 launch, and SiliconSnark races through the chaos with joy, snark, and way too many Joy-Cons.
Look, we at SiliconSnark love Nintendo. Like, love love. Childhood-defining, personality-shaping, probably-unhealthy love. But that doesn’t mean we’re not going to roast them just a little when they drop a new console that sells 3.5 million units in four days like it’s a limited-edition Taylor Swift vinyl.
Yes, the Nintendo Switch 2 is officially the fastest-selling Nintendo console ever — beating out its older sibling, the OG Switch, and whatever fever dream the Wii U was supposed to be. It boasts a bigger, brighter 1080p screen, 4K output on your TV, and upgraded magnetic Joy-Con 2 controllers that finally snap into place without sounding like a stressed-out plastic taco. There’s even mouse functionality, because apparently your Switch is now also a productivity tool? Sure. Okay.
They’ve also introduced something called GameChat, which lets you video chat and share your screen mid-game. In other words, it only took Nintendo eight full years to realize that maybe, just maybe, people want to talk to each other while gaming without needing a second device, a Discord account, and a prayer.
Doug Bowser — yes, that’s still his real name, and yes, it’s still incredible — says the company is “thankful” for fans’ enthusiasm. Translation: Nintendo just made enough money in four days to personally fund the next Zelda game and still have plenty left over for a golden statue of Mario doing the floss.
And speaking of games, they launched this hardware rocket ship alongside Mario Kart™ World, which finally answers the age-old question: What if Mario Kart had an open world and you could drive across the ocean like Aquaman with a go-kart? The game supports 24-player races now, so you can experience true chaos, Mario Party-style, but at 150cc.
Coming next month: Donkey Kong™ Bananza — yes, spelled like your uncle trying to text while eating a banana — a 3D platformer where you can go full Kong and unleash pent-up suburban rage on everything in sight. Smashing barrels has never felt so emotionally cathartic.
All this joy can be yours for just $449.99, or $499.99 if you want the bundle with Mario Kart World (and let’s face it, you do). And if you didn’t preorder it, good luck finding one before someone flips it on eBay for the price of a used Honda Civic.
