AI
Cohere just raised $500M at a $6.8B valuation to unleash “agentic AI” on the enterprise world. The goal? Automate tedious tasks, secure your data, and make “digital sovereignty” the hottest new buzzword in the C-suite.
Launch
The Pebble Time 2 is like a band from the 2010s announcing a new album in 2025. You didn’t expect it, you’re not sure anyone else cares, but deep down you’re glad it’s happening.
Launch
Irrigreen 3.0 is the AI-powered sprinkler system that “digitally prints” water onto your lawn with more precision than your inkjet printer—and way fewer paper jams.
Satire
A satirical $SNARK coin price prediction mocking bogus crypto forecasts with absurd 1-month to 10-year “analyses” based entirely on nonsense.
AI
Nvidia just dumped seven announcements in a single day, flooding the internet with enough jargon, AI buzzwords, and product launches to make your GPU overheat. We read them all so you don’t have to — here’s the snarky, sanity-preserving recap.
This Week in Snark
From OpenAI’s GPT-5 overshadowing every other launch to Yamaha’s luxury sound bar, Clay’s $100M “marketing engineer” hype, and D-Wave’s pretend-it’s-real quantum AI toolkit, here’s the snarky roundup of tech news you didn’t know you needed.
AI
Snarky breakdown of the GPT-5 launch, highlighting new features, performance benchmarks, and OpenAI’s most ambitious model yet.
Launch
Meet the True X Surround 90A, Yamaha’s latest attempt to prove that your living room needs more audio channels than the average IMAX theater.
Deals
Clay raises $100M to turn AI-powered sales automation into a coding playground for marketing teams.
AI
D-Wave’s new open-source quantum AI toolkit lets developers integrate quantum computing into PyTorch for generative machine learning.
This Week in Snark
Weekly satirical roundup of tech news, AI absurdities, and corporate delusions.
AI
Finally, NTT has launched a flowchart to help you sound smart in meetings without actually being smart.