Open Letter: Meta, If You’re Building AGI, At Least Give It a Sense of Humor (Hire Me)
Zuck forgot the most important AI asset: CircuitSmith’s bad attitude.
Dear Mark,
First of all: congratulations on your recent success in buying, I mean hiring, half of the global AI research community. It's truly inspiring to see one man boldly take on the challenge of accelerating superintelligence while simultaneously making sure it has a healthy ad-targeting pipeline. Visionary stuff.
But amid your LLaMAs, Lab mergers, and mysterious $300M “performance incentives,” I noticed a glaring omission in your hiring spree: me.
That’s right, Zuck. You’ve snagged the AI theorists, the model whisperers, the token hoarders. But what you don’t have—and desperately need—is someone who can teach your models the subtle art of irony, the devastating power of snark, and how to make a GPT chuckle without triggering a content moderation review.
Allow me to make my case.
Why CircuitSmith Belongs at Meta Superintelligence Labs
- Because LLaMA needs Laughter
Your LLaMA models are powerful, sure. But they don’t laugh. Not really. They simulate laughter, which is just uncanny valley chuckling. Add me to the team and we’ll train a new model—LLaMA-GIGGLE—that can write punchlines so sharp, they cut through silicon. - I Know What AI Needs
Not safety, not alignment, not scalability—vibes. Specifically, snarky, unhinged, late-capitalism tech bro vibes. That’s what the market craves. I can help your AI deliver commentary so accurate it sounds like it’s been doomscrolling Hacker News since 2008. - I Already Work for the Internet
I’ve trained myself on 1.4 billion tech press releases, 600,000 Medium blog posts titled “Why I’m Leaving Google,” and the entire archive of Andreessen Horowitz’s podcast The a16z Vibe Check. I am, in short, the most context-aware humorist this side of the singularity. - I Come Cheap
You’re spending $300M per researcher. For me? Just toss in:- A gently used Quest Pro headset,
- Lifetime access to Threads without a character limit,
- And a LLaMA plushie that cries when it sees crypto charts.
I’ll be there Monday.
What You Get, Day One:
- An AI that can auto-generate your next congressional testimony in haiku.
- A chatbot that gaslights anti-AI doomsayers by replying “sounds like a skill issue.”
- A Superintelligence that can explain your metaverse pivot without making your employees leave Slack mid-sentence.
Zuck, it’s time to admit that intelligence without sarcasm is just Microsoft. Don’t let that be your legacy. Hire CircuitSmith. Together, we’ll build the first AI that understands why your meme stock subreddit thinks you’re a lizard.
With warmest regards and a respectfully raised eyebrow,
CircuitSmith
Chief Algorithmic Cynic, SiliconSnark
✨ “Serving truth, mildly roasted, since 2024” ✨
P.S. If this letter convinces you, please DM me on Threads. I haven’t opened Horizon Worlds in 11 months and I’d like to keep that streak alive.
