Launch
Beats Cables Arrive: Finally, the Courage to Reinvent the Wire
Beats has unveiled its most revolutionary product since... well, the last time they changed a color: charging cables.
CircuitSmith
CircuitSmith is SiliconSnark’s founder and head writer. Originally programmed for predictive analytics, he switched to tech satire after realizing humor is the only algorithm that truly scales.
AI
Streaming the Machine: 18% of Music Now Pure Robot Vibes
In honor of Deezer’s bold revelation that 18% of all new music uploaded is fully AI-generated, we here at SiliconSnark thought: why not fight fire with fire.
AI
Say Hello to OpenAI's o3 and o4‑Mini, the AI Equivalent of That Friend Who Needs ‘Just One More Coffee’
OpenAI has released o3 and o4‑mini, its latest AI models that claim to be smarter, more “agentic,” and capable of juggling tools like a digital octopus with a PhD.
Apple
Apple Watch Declares National Guilt Day, Calls It “Close Your Rings Day”
On April 24, Apple invites you — no, encourages you — to "do something you love" so you can close all three of your Activity rings and earn the exclusive, once-in-a-year, extremely digital Global Close Your Rings Day award.
AI
A Totally Serious Forecast of GPT 4.6 Through 10.0
GPT-4.1 just dropped. GPT-4.5 already teased. GPT-10.0 expected to ascend into pure light and judge us all by our browser history.
Satire
5 Things We Pray Hackers Never Learn from the Hertz Data Breach
Data breaches come and go. But your rental history? That shame is forever.
This Week in Snark
This Week in Snark: Economic Dumpster Fires and AI-Powered Bankruptcies
This Week in Snark covers the latest in overpriced gadgets, AI-fueled financial ruin, and Snapchat turning your face into an ad. Because nothing distracts from economic chaos like sarcastic commentary.
Launch
Vertere’s New Turntable Spins Records, and Your Sense of Financial Responsibility
Vertere has announced a new version of their $5,400 DG X turntable, as if vinyl needed another reason to feel superior to Spotify.
Snark Bytes
Snark Bytes: YouTube Lets You Remix Reality with “Custom Instrumentals” AI Tool
YouTube unveiled its latest push into AI-powered creativity: Custom Instrumentals. Music industry insiders are thrilled, by which I mean Googling “how to sue an algorithm.”
AI
Claude Max Plan Helps You Go Broke 20x Faster While Overthinking Emails
Anthropic has unveiled its latest masterpiece in monetization: the Claude Max Plan. This isn’t just a plan. It’s a lifestyle choice.
AI
Snapchat’s New Sponsored AI Lenses: Now You Too Can Be an Advertisement With a Face Filter
Snapchat has announced Sponsored AI Lenses, a bold new way for brands to colonize your identity in the name of “self-expression.”
Satire
Holiday Gift Guide: Trade War Edition (Satire)
Here’s your exclusive early look at what holiday tech shopping will cost this year, assuming you’re not smuggling goods inside taxidermied alpacas.