Altman and Ive Made an AI Baby. Their Video Was Wild. Our Script Is Better.
Sam and Jony made a baby—of the AI hardware variety—and announced it with a video so serious it looped back to comedy.
Yesterday, OpenAI today announced it's acquiring io, the hardware startup lovechild of Sam Altman and design demigod Jony Ive. The price tag? A mere $6.5 billion in stock, or roughly the price of one slightly used Vision Pro in San Francisco.
To mark the occasion, Sam and Jony did what any pair of tech bros would do: they released a video so dramatically minimal that it looped back around to maximalist, like a zen garden paved in titanium.
In the video, Jony sits in an Apple Store–adjacent aesthetic void, speaking slowly enough to make Christopher Nolan impatient. Sam, meanwhile, channels the energy of a man who's just been told he's not allowed to install ChatGPT on a toaster. Together, they deliver a cinematic experience that can only be described as "TED Talk meets pregnancy announcement."
🎬 Suggested Script Rewrite: The Version They Meant to Film
[Scene opens. A blindingly white void. Jony is polishing a perfectly spherical object that may or may not be a baby monitor. Sam Altman floats into frame wearing a turtleneck made of blockchain.]
SAM:
Jony and I have always believed that the future of intelligence needs a body. Not like, a body body — not in the "Elon launches humanoids" way. More like... an object with vibes.
JONY:
We asked ourselves, “What if design could make AI feel more... expensive?”
SAM:
We wanted to create something that wasn't just smart — it had to look incredible sitting on a walnut nightstand next to your unread copy of The Myth of Sisyphus.
JONY (nodding slowly):
It’s less a product, and more a... whisper. A whisper shaped like a stone. With a screen. And 5G. And possibly sentience.
SAM:
This is not a phone. It is not a tablet. It is not a laptop. It is not a wear—
JONY (interrupting):
It’s definitely not a watch.
SAM (firmly):
Right. It’s none of those things.
It’s... the I/O Baby.
[Cut to slow-motion footage of a glowing egg being placed into a cradle made of brushed aluminum.]
JONY (voiceover):
Designed by LoveFrom. Shipped by OpenAI. Raised by the cloud.
SAM:
We believe the best way to interact with AI is not to look at it.
That’s why we’ve removed the screen. And the input.
In fact, it doesn't even turn on.
But when it does... oh, you’ll know.
[Cut to black screen with just the words: “coming 2026... or whenever it’s finally beautiful enough.”]
