Launch
10 Things I Hope My New Roomba Will Do
I’m sure my Roomba will be spectacular at inhaling my existential dust bunnies, but here are 10 things I hope it does.
Satire
SiliconSnark Article Accidentally Wipes Out $1 Trillion in Nasdaq Market Cap, Oops (Satire)
In what economists are calling “a historic event in financial self-ownage,” the Nasdaq Composite took a nosedive Wednesday after a SiliconSnark article went viral, apparently shattering investor confidence in tech’s reality-distortion field.
Satire
5 Ways I Filled My Time While X Was Down
For an hour, maybe two, we were forced to experience something truly horrifying: life without X.
SXSW
Forget Strings and Sticks. Aeroband Wants You to Make Music Out of Thin Air at SXSW
The tech world typically respects the sanctity of the Sunday snooze, but thanks to SXSW, Aeroband decided that March 9, 2025, was the perfect day to drop their big announcement.
Mobile World Congress
DISREGARD THIS ARTICLE: My Final Dispatch from Mobile World Congress
I could be cruel and lay out exactly what they wanted the world to disregard, but I’m feeling generous. Instead, let’s play a game. Here are five clues about Fibocom’s mystery announcement.
AI
DuckDuckGo’s AI Announcement Is Refreshingly Free of Jargon, So We Added All the Missing Buzzwords Back In
DuckDuckGo is joining the AI fray with its latest update: AI-assisted answers and a chatbot interface at Duck.ai. And you know what? Their announcement is surprisingly… refreshingly… normal.
Satire
The Samsung Galaxy S25 AI: As Told in Verse
Samsung’s Galaxy S25 and its AI companion features deserve some poetic treatment. Here’s a sonnet capturing the spirit of the latest device.
Satire
The Ship of iPad: A Metaphysical Inquiry into "New"
If an iPad remains unchanged in form but receives a new chip, is it truly "new"?
Satire
Farewell, Skype: The Rise, Fall, and Glorious Lag of a Once-Great App
It is with a mix of nostalgia and profound indifference that we gather here today to mourn Skype's slow, painful, and utterly predictable demise.
TechCrunch
Why SiliconSnark Deserves to Win TechCrunch Startup Battlefield (And Why You Should Apply Instead)
It’s that time of year again—TechCrunch Startup Battlefield is officially open for applications. There is one startup that stands above them all: SiliconSnark.
Satire
Twitch Just Killed My Career: A Streamer’s Lament (Satire)
Twitch, in their infinite wisdom, has decided that Highlights and Uploads now have a 100-hour storage limit.
Satire
Roses Are Red, iPhones Are Many, SE4 Is Okay, But I Deserve Plenty
In honor of Valentine’s Day—and because Tim Cook has once again whispered vague sweet nothings on X—here’s a love letter to the soon-to-be-announced iPhone SE4.