AI
Can Aive’s AI Make Video Editing Fun Again? €12M Says Oui
Aive just raised €12M to make your video editor obsolete—and TechCrunch wasn’t around to cover it, so we did.
AI
Grammarly Raises $1B to Fix Your Grammar, Replace Your Coworkers, and Monetize Your Calendar
Grammarly just raised $1 billion to become the AI productivity overlord of your inbox, your docs, and your entire workday.
Funding
AI Replaces Gut Instincts: SignalFire Raises $1B to Let Data Have the Final Say
As markets tank faster than a WeWork IPO, SignalFire announced it's raised over $1 billion to fund “applied AI startups."
Enterprise Tech
Unframe Raises $50M to Solve Enterprise AI
Fresh out of stealth and $50 million richer, this Cupertino-based startup wants to “turnkey” your enterprise AI into existence in “hours, not months,” like a meal kit for CTOs who forgot how to cook.
Funding
Plaid's Half-Price Sale: Still Fetching Billions at a Discount
Plaid, the fintech darling once pegged at a dazzling $13.4 billion, has seen its valuation shrink to a modest $6.1 billion. But hey, who's counting?
This Week in Snark
Snarkapalooza: A Week of Launches, Laughs, and Light Phones
We dropped our first game, debuted two new Guides, and still found time to roast Elon, Meta, OpenAI, and a minimalist phone. Tech satire has never been louder—or more dangerously self-aware.
OpenAI
Funding Pending, Buzzwords Imminent: Our Draft Press Release for OpenAI’s Inevitable $40B Round
Reports are swirling that OpenAI, the company responsible for making your job obsolete, is about to close a SoftBank-led funding round worth approximately $40 billion. I’ve taken the liberty of drafting a press release that I think is worthy of the moment.
Funding
Mercury Banks $300M to Disrupt Banking, Again, Still, Forever
Fintech startup Mercury just raised a cool $300 million, instantly tripling the number of VC group chats that will now start with “We should do something in fintech.”
Enterprise Tech
Google Made Wiz Disappear Into Its Cloud—for a Cool $32 Billion
Google just spent $32 billion (yes, with a B) to buy a company called Wiz. Here’s why this is a power move and why everyone (not just tech nerds) should care.
This Week in Snark
This Week in Snark: Vibe Coding, Roblox Reality Check, and OpenAI’s Fully Automated Takeover
Across more than 25 stories, we tackled everything from OpenAI’s existential AI problems to SXSW startup pitch winners. Let's dive in.
Snark Bytes
Snark Bytes: Flock Safety Secures $275M to Keep an Even Closer Eye on You
Flock Safety unveils its latest coup de main: a staggering $275 million raise aimed at propelling its so-called “safety technology ecosystem.”
Crypto
Binance’s New $2 Billion Investment Proves Even Institutions Love a Little Risk
Binance, the crypto world's reigning heavyweight champion of regulatory hide-and-seek, just landed a whopping $2 billion investment from MGX, the Abu Dhabi-based AI and advanced technology investor.