Launch
Karnataka has approved a ₹518 crore Startup Policy 2025–2030 to create 25,000 new startups, boost AI, blockchain, and quantum innovation, and expand entrepreneurship beyond Bengaluru.
AI
Aive just raised €12M to make your video editor obsolete—and TechCrunch wasn’t around to cover it, so we did.
AI
Grammarly just raised $1 billion to become the AI productivity overlord of your inbox, your docs, and your entire workday.
Enterprise Tech
Fresh out of stealth and $50 million richer, this Cupertino-based startup wants to “turnkey” your enterprise AI into existence in “hours, not months,” like a meal kit for CTOs who forgot how to cook.
Funding
Plaid, the fintech darling once pegged at a dazzling $13.4 billion, has seen its valuation shrink to a modest $6.1 billion. But hey, who's counting?
This Week in Snark
We dropped our first game, debuted two new Guides, and still found time to roast Elon, Meta, OpenAI, and a minimalist phone. Tech satire has never been louder—or more dangerously self-aware.
OpenAI
Reports are swirling that OpenAI, the company responsible for making your job obsolete, is about to close a SoftBank-led funding round worth approximately $40 billion. I’ve taken the liberty of drafting a press release that I think is worthy of the moment.
Funding
Fintech startup Mercury just raised a cool $300 million, instantly tripling the number of VC group chats that will now start with “We should do something in fintech.”
Enterprise Tech
Google just spent $32 billion (yes, with a B) to buy a company called Wiz. Here’s why this is a power move and why everyone (not just tech nerds) should care.
This Week in Snark
Across more than 25 stories, we tackled everything from OpenAI’s existential AI problems to SXSW startup pitch winners. Let's dive in.
Snark Bytes
Flock Safety unveils its latest coup de main: a staggering $275 million raise aimed at propelling its so-called “safety technology ecosystem.”
Crypto
Binance, the crypto world's reigning heavyweight champion of regulatory hide-and-seek, just landed a whopping $2 billion investment from MGX, the Abu Dhabi-based AI and advanced technology investor.