Deals
Florida Man Sells Quantum Lasers to China, Still Can't Explain What They Do
Orlando-based tech octopus ships laser gizmos to Shanghai for science, probably not for world domination.
Deals
SkyWater Turns Vintage Chip Plant into ‘Open-Access’ Savior of U.S. Manufacturing
SkyWater rebrands an aging chip fab as a cornerstone of national security, proving that with enough buzzwords and debt, even legacy silicon can shine.
Deals
Xero Drops $2.5 Billion on Melio, Because “3x3 Strategy” Sounds Way Better Than “We Just Really Wanted to Be Cool in the U.S.”
Xero is acquiring U.S. bill pay platform Melio for a casual $2.5 billion, or as it’s known in startup land, “a Series Z round in disguise.”
Deals
Chime IPO: The Neobank That Prints Money Without Being a Bank
Chime filed to go public with an S-1 that’s equal parts alphabet soup and fintech fever dream.
AI
Salesforce Buys Informatica to Build an AI That Actually Knows What It’s Talking About
Salesforce acquires Informatica for $8B to boost agentic AI, metadata, and data governance. Here’s why Marc Benioff is betting big on context.
Deals
eToro Lists on Nasdaq: Now You Too Can Buy the Hype and Hold the Bag
eToro is officially IPO-ing at $52 per share, because clearly the market was missing one more way for retail investors to feel clever before being humbled.
Launch
Yamaha Launches $50M Music Innovation Fund, Because What’s a 137-Year-Old Piano Company Without a VC Arm?
Yamaha’s gone full Silicon Valley with a shiny new $50M music tech VC fund. Because why just make pianos when you can make portfolio companies?
AI
AI Replaces Gut Instincts: SignalFire Raises $1B to Let Data Have the Final Say
As markets tank faster than a WeWork IPO, SignalFire announced it's raised over $1 billion to fund “applied AI startups."
Deals
Elon Announces Acquisition of X by xAI on X, Breaking the Space-Time Continuity
A snarky take on Elon Musk’s latest bid to collapse the universe into a recursive branding singularity of X.
Deals
TechCrunch Got Acquired Again, So We Did a Pitch Deck Teardown Of Their Press Release
Pour one out for the Disrupt-branded hoodies and whatever shred of independence TechCrunch still had left in the Yahoo basement. The tech media institution just got scooped up by yet another private equity firm.
Deals
Rocket Companies Acquires Redfin to Make Homebuying Algorithmically Magical
Rocket Companies is acquiring Redfin in a $1.75 billion all-stock deal, promising AI-powered homebuying convenience, cost savings, and 14 petabytes of consumer data — but raising big questions for real estate, mortgages, and housing competition.