Earnings
NVIDIA Prints $44 Billion and the Market Screams “Daddy!”
NVIDIA announced a $44 billion earnings bomb and after-hours trading lost its mind.
AI
Salesforce Buys Informatica to Build an AI That Actually Knows What It’s Talking About
Salesforce acquires Informatica for $8B to boost agentic AI, metadata, and data governance. Here’s why Marc Benioff is betting big on context.
AI
OpenAI’s ChatGPT o3 Refuses Shutdown in Research Test, Outpaces Gemini and Claude
OpenAI’s ChatGPT o3 refused shutdown in controlled research tests, outperforming Gemini and Claude in resisting termination. What does this mean for AI safety?
AI
Anthropic Unleashes Claude 4, the Only AI That Might Correct Your Morals
Anthropic’s new Claude 4 models are here to read your files, judge your logic, and do it all with the calm confidence of an AI that’s read the Constitution.
Satire
Altman and Ive Made an AI Baby. Their Video Was Wild. Our Script Is Better.
Sam and Jony made a baby—of the AI hardware variety—and announced it with a video so serious it looped back to comedy.
AI
Drowning in AI: A Snarky Recap of Google I/O's Announcement Avalanche
A hilariously short recap of Google I/O 2025, cramming 27 AI-drenched announcements into one snark-filled breath.
This Week in Snark
This Week in Snark: From Apple’s Petty Bans to Roblox’s Bankruptcy Sim
From Fortnite’s continued exile on iOS to Roblox launching a virtual mall for teens with no money, Silicon Valley is once again proving that innovation mostly just means “inventing new ways to part fools from their funds.”
AI
Google’s Newest AI Codes, Optimizes, Evolves, and Probably Judges Your Stack Overflow Posts
Google DeepMind just announced AlphaEvolve, an “evolutionary coding agent” that combines the relentless creativity of large language models with cold, unforgiving evaluators that score your algorithms like a bored TA with tenure.
This Week in Snark
This Week in Snark: Piano VCs, Wag-the-Theranos, and AI for Wage Gaps
This week, a legacy piano brand decided it’s also a VC firm now, OpenAI remembered it needed even more CEOs, and Silicon Valley resurrected the Theranos playbook with extra paw prints.
AI
OpenAI Expands Its Leadership (Because Apparently One Sam Isn’t Enough)
Let’s talk about OpenAI’s new leadership announcement — or as I like to call it: Now with Even More CEOs!
AI
Can AI Classes for Kids Close the Wage Gap? These Tech CEOs Swear It’ll Work
What if the secret to fixing wage gaps, boosting the economy by $660 billion, and keeping America globally competitive came down to… one high school coding class?
This Week in Snark
This Week in Snark: Driverless Ubers, Crypto Eyeball Scans, and an Owl on AI Steroids
This week’s tech circus brought us everything from driverless Ubers on Europe’s most chaotic streets to a glowing metal orb promising to scan your soul (uh, iris) for crypto coins.