Snark Bytes: Fortnite vs. Apple, Round ∞
Epic and Apple are fighting again, and Fortnite fans are caught in the crossfire of a billion-dollar ego slap fight.
Ah, Fortnite. The game that brought us virtual Travis Scott concerts, tween rage-fueled dance-offs, and a lawsuit so dramatic it made Succession look like a team-building retreat. And today, it’s off iPhones again. Not because of a new antitrust ruling. Not because Tim Sweeney is back on his revolutionary soapbox. No—because Epic and Apple are apparently stuck in a passive-aggressive roommate fight over who left the metaphorical app store milk out.
According to The Verge (still doing God’s work), Epic says Fortnite is “offline worldwide” on iOS after Apple rejected its App Store resubmission. But Apple says they didn’t remove anything, actually—Epic just failed to follow directions. Classic “no YOU hang up” energy, but with multibillion-dollar developer accounts.
Let’s be clear: this isn’t a normal case of an app being removed because it’s broken or sketchy. It’s Fortnite. One of the most popular games in the world. Epic had to use its Swedish developer account (because its U.S. one is still in App Store jail from 2020) to resubmit the game. That submission included U.S. distribution—apparently a no-no—and Apple asked them to resubmit without that bit.
So Epic pulled the app, said “fine, we’ll take our battle bus and go home,” and now Fortnite is gone from iOS entirely, even in the EU where it had clawed its way back via third-party stores allowed under the Digital Markets Act. And naturally, Tim Sweeney took to X (formerly Twitter, still a hellsite) to throw digital chairs at the Apple wall, accusing them of letting knockoff Fortnite clones through while keeping the OG out.
In other words:
- Fortnite isn’t on iOS right now
- Epic says it’s Apple’s fault
- Apple says, “Bro, chill, it’s your own fault”
- And Sweeney is back on his martyr arc
Honestly, the only thing more repetitive than Fortnite seasons is the Epic-Apple beef cycle. Wake me up when they settle this in a real Battle Royale. Winner gets the App Store. Loser gets to hang out with Clippy in the retired software graveyard.
