Launch
10 Things I Hope My New Roomba Will Do
I’m sure my Roomba will be spectacular at inhaling my existential dust bunnies, but here are 10 things I hope it does.
Latest
Snark Bytes
Snark Bytes: Dexterity Raises $95M to Teach Robots the Joys of Manual Labor
Dexterity just raised $95 million and announced it with a LinkedIn post so brief it felt like an afterthought. No details, no fanfare, just a link to a much longer Bloomberg feature, because why explain your own vision when a paywall can do it for you?
Satire
SiliconSnark Article Accidentally Wipes Out $1 Trillion in Nasdaq Market Cap, Oops (Satire)
In what economists are calling “a historic event in financial self-ownage,” the Nasdaq Composite took a nosedive Wednesday after a SiliconSnark article went viral, apparently shattering investor confidence in tech’s reality-distortion field.
AI
AI CEO, AI Board, AI Employees: OpenAI's Fully-Automated Enterprise Is Finally Here!
With the launch of their new OpenAI Responses API, integrated web search, file search, and even computer use capabilities, we’re just a few updates away from the ultimate corporate utopia: an enterprise run entirely by AI agents.
Crypto
Yescoin Promises Big Crypto Rewards. All You Have to Do is Tap, Spin, and Believe!
When financial strategy boils down to ‘tap, spin, and pray’—Yescoin believers in their natural habitat.
Apple
Apple Rolls Out New Arcade Games. The World Rolls Its Eyes.
Apple rolls out new arcade games. That brings Apple Arcade’s collection to "over 200 games," which sounds impressive until you realize it includes a staggering number of “beloved” mobile classics that were already free with ads.
Enterprise Tech
Asana’s CEO is Retiring, But Don’t Worry—We Made Him a Task Board for That
After nearly 17 years of checking off tasks, color-coding projects, and making sure everyone on his team hit those OKRs, Asana co-founder and CEO Dustin Moskovitz has finally decided it’s time to mark one last task complete: retiring from the top job.
HumanX
HumanX 2025’s Biggest News? A New Way to Quantify Your Humanity
Introducing the 'Human Success Score,' because your boss wasn’t tracking enough metrics already! Keep that streak alive or risk workplace shame!
Google’s Gemini Just Invited You to a Meeting About Meetings. Hope You Can Make It!
When AI decides your schedule for you… Gemini in Gmail now auto-adds events to your calendar, whether you asked for them or not! Hope you like ‘Meetings about Meetings.’
Satire
5 Ways I Filled My Time While X Was Down
For an hour, maybe two, we were forced to experience something truly horrifying: life without X.
SXSW
SXSW Announces Pitch Winners, Forgets to Say What They Actually Do. We Fixed That!
In a move that only SXSW could pull off, the winners of the 2025 Pitch Competition were announced with all the fanfare of a royal coronation—but with none of the context. We've taken it upon ourselves to demystify these trailblazing startups.
AI
GIGABYTE Wants You to Battle AI at SXSW. We’re Not Sure Who Wins
GIGABYTE’s big reveal at SXSW 2025: an arcade game where you battle AI in real time. Oh, and something about editing 8K VR videos that no one but professional YouTubers will care about.