This Week in Snark
A snark-filled roundup of the week’s biggest tech stories—from billion-dollar AI raises to crypto banks, dive tech, compute finance, and CircuitSmith’s YouTube debut.
Launch
Tokyo’s new “Great Unified Microscope” sees micro and nano worlds at once—finally showing cells can’t hide their secrets anymore.
Deals
Cursor secures $2.3B to expand its AI coding tools, hitting a $29.3B valuation as enterprise demand and developer adoption surge.
Zero-Prompt Zone
Suunto launches the Nautic & Nautic S at DEMA 2025, introducing high-brightness AMOLED dive computers with huge battery life, pro-level features, and zero AI hype.
Launch
SoFi Bank becomes the first FDIC-insured, nationally chartered bank to launch crypto trading for consumers. Here’s what it means for crypto, banking, and the future of regulated speculation — with a dash of SiliconSnark’s signature satire.
Launch
Trillium Technologies just turned cloud computing into collateral with a $300M securitized “Compute Credit” offering. Welcome to the financialization of AI — where GPUs meet hedge funds.
Launch
SiliconSnark launches its official YouTube channel starring CircuitSmith — the fast-talking robot delivering 10-second bursts of tech satire about AI hype, launches, and big tech absurdity.
This Week in Snark
This Week in Snark covers Nomic Bio’s proteomics breakthrough, Karnataka’s ₹518 crore startup policy, SoftBank’s “Crystal Intelligence,” EPOS’s AI headset, AirIQ’s tiny IoT takeover, and our guide to AI job loss—with equal parts humor and horror.
Biotech
Nomic Bio publishes its nELISA proteomics platform in Nature Methods, unveiling a 1.4 million–protein dataset and a browser-based Nomic Portal. Here’s why that actually matters — and how it could reshape drug discovery.
Launch
Karnataka has approved a ₹518 crore Startup Policy 2025–2030 to create 25,000 new startups, boost AI, blockchain, and quantum innovation, and expand entrepreneurship beyond Bengaluru.
AI
SoftBank and OpenAI have teamed up to launch SB OAI Japan GK, introducing “Crystal Intelligence” — a buzzword-laden AI platform promising to redefine Japanese enterprise.
Launch
Denmark’s EPOS claims its new Impact 500 AI headset uses “BrainAdapt” tech to fight fatigue and boost focus. We break down the $249 gadget that wants to protect your brain from your job.