SiliconSnark (Page 10)

Latest

Cartoon of Sam Altman unveiling GPT-5 as divine revelation while the SiliconSnark robot mocks from behind a stack of NDAs.

GPT-5 Stole the Show—And Every Other Tech Launch Today Is Just Background Noise

Snarky breakdown of the GPT-5 launch, highlighting new features, performance benchmarks, and OpenAI’s most ambitious model yet.

A startled cat levitates mid-air from booming sound waves as the SiliconSnark robot holds a “Too immersive” sign in a high-tech living room.

Launch

Yamaha’s New $3,499 Sound Bar Promises Audio So Immersive You’ll Forget You’re Still Sitting on an IKEA Couch

Meet the True X Surround 90A, Yamaha’s latest attempt to prove that your living room needs more audio channels than the average IMAX theater.

A startup office scene where a marketer diagrams “Lead Scoring via Satellite” as a small SiliconSnark robot holds a sign that says “pls stop automating me.”

Deals

Clay Raises $100M to Make Marketing Feel Like Coding—Because Spam is Better When It’s Programmatic

Clay raises $100M to turn AI-powered sales automation into a coding playground for marketing teams.

SiliconSnark robot watches a quantum computer generate the Mona Lisa’s left eyebrow after six hours of annealing.

D-Wave Releases Toolkit So Developers Can Pretend Quantum AI Is Real Today

D-Wave’s new open-source quantum AI toolkit lets developers integrate quantum computing into PyTorch for generative machine learning.

A chaotic tech newsroom scene featuring the SiliconSnark robot holding a flaming "Weekly Roundup" report amid AI chaos, Zuck’s floating head, and glitchy startup absurdity.

This Week in Snark

This Week in Snark: When Apple Prints Money, Zuck Prints Hype, and Interns Fake It With AI

Weekly satirical roundup of tech news, AI absurdities, and corporate delusions.

The SiliconSnark robot reviews a glowing decision tree as a bewildered intern watches in awe, holding a coffee labeled “Fake It ‘Til You Make It.”

NTT Builds AI That Maps Expert Decisions So Interns Can Pretend They Know What They’re Doing

Finally, NTT has launched a flowchart to help you sound smart in meetings without actually being smart.

A bold, slightly surreal illustration of Tim Cook mid-air in a basketball arena.

Earnings

Tim Cook Just Dunked on Every "Apple Is Doomed" Thinkpiece

Apple posted $94 billion in revenue this quarter. The joke's not just on the haters — it's on all of us for forgetting that Apple prints cash like it’s the U.S. Treasury with better branding.

Zuckerberg faces off against the SiliconSnark robot in a chaotic arena of AI absurdity.

Zuckerberg's "Personal Superintelligence" Post, Roasted to a Carbonized Crisp

Zuckerberg’s latest AI manifesto on Personal Superintelligence was too absurd to ignore.

A cartoon retail employee tearfully whispering “Why does everyone return the blazer?” to a glowing chatbot.

You Could Fix Your Sizing Chart, or You Could Build NaizGPT

NaizGPT promises to replace retail dashboards with AI-powered chats—but can a chatbot really explain why your blazers keep coming back?

A cartoon-style scene of the SiliconSnark robot at a chaotic tech carnival featuring booths for quantum computing, AR, biotech, and robot baristas.

Guides

Beyond AI: Exploring Brain Implants, Robots, and What Might Be Tech’s Next Big Thing

In this snark-filled deep dive, we’ll tour the contenders for the tech world’s next hype obsession after the AI boom inevitably fades.

A robot in a blazer shaking hands with a city hall employee over a stack of onboarding forms, while a giant screen in the background reads: “Now 23% More Compliant!”

Deals

Bureaucracy, But Make It Cloud-Native: EQT and CPP Acquire NEOGOV

EQT and CPP Investments acquire public-sector SaaS firm NEOGOV to modernize HR compliance—with all the excitement of a digital W-4.

A chaotic tech expo scene featuring TSA scans, AI buzzwords, streaming kiosks, and the SiliconSnark robot in a “Chief Mockery Officer” booth.

This Week in Snark

This Week in Snark: TSA Scans, StreamStore Schemes, and Silicon-Powered Egos

Skewering TSA’s AI dreams, OpenAI’s power-hungry Stargate, Xfinity’s StreamStore mess, and more absurd 2025 headlines.

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