Florida Man Sells Quantum Lasers to China, Still Can't Explain What They Do
Orlando-based tech octopus ships laser gizmos to Shanghai for science, probably not for world domination.
In today’s installment of "Things That Sound Important Until You Ask Questions," Fonon Quantum Technologies, Inc. (FQTI) proudly announced that its subsidiary, Quantum Technology, Inc., has sold a pile of laser widgets to a Chinese distributor named Bright Stars Technologies. What are they for? Something called “time-domain thermoreflectance,” obviously. Keep up.
According to the press release, the order includes a thrilling mix of "solid state modulation drivers," “electro-optic crystals,” and “Glan-Laser polarizers with select-grade calcite prisms” — aka the kind of gear you’d expect to see in a Bond villain’s garage or a college physics lab run by caffeine.
“We are proud to supply clients around the world with our electro-optical components,” said Quantum Tech President Sanjay Adhav, presumably while holding a laser pointer to a whiteboard covered in equations no one in marketing understood. The quote continued, but we blacked out halfway through the phrase “ultrashort pulse lasers.”
The equipment is destined for use in time-domain thermoreflectance (TDTR) systems — a fancy way of measuring how hot something gets when you zap it with a laser. Yes, we’re exporting laser thermometers that cost more than your house.
What makes this deal interesting (and slightly concerning to anyone who remembers “quantum supremacy” and “national security” being in the same sentence) is that it’s headed to Shanghai. But don’t worry, these are peaceful lasers. Just for science. Definitely not for defense. Probably.
Also, in case you were wondering, Fonon Quantum Technologies is not just about quantum. Or lasers. Or semiconductors. Or additive manufacturing. They’re about all of it. A tech hydra with four subsidiaries and zero sense of restraint.
With headquarters in Orlando — because nothing says “cutting-edge quantum photonics” like sharing a ZIP code with Disney World — FQTI has carved out a niche selling high-tech science toys to global research centers, military contractors, and, apparently, anyone with a pulse and a purchase order.
As for the next steps? No idea. But if your startup needs a Glan-Laser polarizer or you’ve always dreamed of modulating some UV, infrared, and visible light at the same time, you know where to look.
Just don’t ask what “select-grade calcite” means. You’ll never get out of that rabbit hole.
