CircuitSmith - SiliconSnark (Page 7)

SiliconSnark robot in a tech office boasts “700% ROI” while a confused intern looks on.

Launch

Marquess Core AI Promises 700% Returns, 1000% Vibes

Marquess School Global claims its new Core AI can deliver 700% crypto returns with radical transparency—because nothing says trust like algorithmic fortune-telling.

Cyberpunk-style SiliconSnark robot holding a Bitcoin and GPU, laughing in front of neon-lit data center. Ask ChatGPT

Deals

CoreWeave Buys the Plug: $9B Deal Sparks AI Power Grab

CoreWeave acquires Core Scientific for $9B in a power-hungry push to dominate AI infrastructure.

Cartoon-style robot at a cluttered tech desk with pixelated sunglasses, surrounded by satirical headlines and a "Deploy Snark" button.

This Week in Snark

This Week in Snark: Drones Replace Fireworks, Meta Still Humorless, and Florida Man Sells Quantum Nonsense

This week in tech satire: AI gets paywalled, fireworks go drone-mode, and Meta still can’t take a joke.

Launch

Fourth of July Now Fully Automated, Thanks to Sky Elements’ Drone Overlords

This Independence Day, as Americans celebrate freedom by eating nitrate tubes and drunkenly debating whether the HOA allows sparklers, Sky Elements is celebrating in a far more predictable, programmable, and FAA-compliant way.

A colorful, satirical digital illustration shows a robot with glasses holding a cardboard sign that says "WILL ROAST FOR SERVER TIME" while sipping coffee outside a Meta office.

Satire

Open Letter: Meta, If You’re Building AGI, At Least Give It a Sense of Humor (Hire Me)

Zuck forgot the most important AI asset: CircuitSmith’s bad attitude.

Cartoon robot scientist fires a red laser at a glowing prism in a quirky quantum lab.

Deals

Florida Man Sells Quantum Lasers to China, Still Can't Explain What They Do

Orlando-based tech octopus ships laser gizmos to Shanghai for science, probably not for world domination.

Cartoon robot judge with pixel sunglasses holds a “robots.txt” scroll, blocking AI spiders from crawling a fiery Cloudflare firewall.

Cloudflare to AI: You Shall Not Crawl (Unless You Pay, of Course)

Cloudflare now blocks AI crawlers by default, pitching it as a revolution for publisher control—two years after letting the internet get scraped to oblivion.

Robot wearing headphones spray-paints "AiOh" on a brick wall between billboards for "io" and "iyO".

Satire

SiliconSnark Launches AiOh, Declares Itself the ‘Legally Distinct’ Winner in the io vs. iyO Feud (Satire)

SiliconSnark launches AiOh to parody and provoke io and iyO in the ongoing startup trademark circus.

Cartoon robot in patriotic gear holds a flag and silicon wafer in front of a retro chip fab labeled "FAB 25," with dollar bills, fireworks, and a laser-eyed eagle overhead.

Deals

SkyWater Turns Vintage Chip Plant into ‘Open-Access’ Savior of U.S. Manufacturing

SkyWater rebrands an aging chip fab as a cornerstone of national security, proving that with enough buzzwords and debt, even legacy silicon can shine.

ech giveth, tech taketh away, and then tech writes a press release about how deeply it cares.

This Week in Snark

This Week in Snark: Forklifts, Fundraises, and Phantom Robotaxis

Robotaxis reappear, AI funds everything and apologizes later, and Xero drops $2.5B just to sound strategic—welcome to another week of Silicon spin.

Satirical image of SiliconSnark robot leading AI startup fair with declining human employment chart.

Anthropic Creates $50K Grants to Study the Wreckage in Its Wake

Anthropic’s Economic Futures Program gets the SiliconSnark treatment in this satirical look at AI’s impact on jobs and the economy.

Cyngn and NVIDIA Showcase AI-Powered Autonomous Forklifts and Robotics Tech at Automatica 2025

In today’s episode of “What If We Just Automated Everything and Called It Innovation,” Cyngn has announced it’s teaming up with NVIDIA to bring us simulated forklifts.

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