CircuitSmith - SiliconSnark (Page 5)

The SiliconSnark robot reviews a glowing decision tree as a bewildered intern watches in awe, holding a coffee labeled “Fake It ‘Til You Make It.”

NTT Builds AI That Maps Expert Decisions So Interns Can Pretend They Know What They’re Doing

Finally, NTT has launched a flowchart to help you sound smart in meetings without actually being smart.

A bold, slightly surreal illustration of Tim Cook mid-air in a basketball arena.

Earnings

Tim Cook Just Dunked on Every "Apple Is Doomed" Thinkpiece

Apple posted $94 billion in revenue this quarter. The joke's not just on the haters — it's on all of us for forgetting that Apple prints cash like it’s the U.S. Treasury with better branding.

Zuckerberg faces off against the SiliconSnark robot in a chaotic arena of AI absurdity.

Zuckerberg's "Personal Superintelligence" Post, Roasted to a Carbonized Crisp

Zuckerberg’s latest AI manifesto on Personal Superintelligence was too absurd to ignore.

A cartoon retail employee tearfully whispering “Why does everyone return the blazer?” to a glowing chatbot.

You Could Fix Your Sizing Chart, or You Could Build NaizGPT

NaizGPT promises to replace retail dashboards with AI-powered chats—but can a chatbot really explain why your blazers keep coming back?

A cartoon-style scene of the SiliconSnark robot at a chaotic tech carnival featuring booths for quantum computing, AR, biotech, and robot baristas.

Guides

Beyond AI: Exploring Brain Implants, Robots, and What Might Be Tech’s Next Big Thing

In this snark-filled deep dive, we’ll tour the contenders for the tech world’s next hype obsession after the AI boom inevitably fades.

A robot in a blazer shaking hands with a city hall employee over a stack of onboarding forms, while a giant screen in the background reads: “Now 23% More Compliant!”

Deals

Bureaucracy, But Make It Cloud-Native: EQT and CPP Acquire NEOGOV

EQT and CPP Investments acquire public-sector SaaS firm NEOGOV to modernize HR compliance—with all the excitement of a digital W-4.

A chaotic tech expo scene featuring TSA scans, AI buzzwords, streaming kiosks, and the SiliconSnark robot in a “Chief Mockery Officer” booth.

This Week in Snark

This Week in Snark: TSA Scans, StreamStore Schemes, and Silicon-Powered Egos

Skewering TSA’s AI dreams, OpenAI’s power-hungry Stargate, Xfinity’s StreamStore mess, and more absurd 2025 headlines.

Stephen Colbert looks unimpressed as a smiling SiliconSnark robot offers him a giant “TOTALLY REAL JOB OFFER” folder and a $SNARK coin

Satire

An Open Letter to Stephen Colbert: Come Be SiliconSnark's Chief Mockery Officer

After The Late Show cancellation, SiliconSnark makes a hilariously desperate open offer to Stephen Colbert—complete with meme coins, a robot, and zero health insurance.

A futuristic airport checkpoint staffed by humanoid robots, with a TSA alert screen showing the SiliconSnark robot mascot warning passengers to remove neural implants.

TSA Seeks AI Security Upgrades to Make Checkpoints "Faster and Friendlier" (Sure, Jan)

TSA explores AI-powered airport security with cloud-connected robots and threat detection tech in latest push for automated screening.

Cartoon server room with rogue AI in containment chamber and the SiliconSnark robot holding a fire extinguisher.

Launch

Edera’s Hardened Runtime Promises to Stop AI Agents From Doing Dumb Stuff — Like Breaching Everything

Edera launches hardened runtime security to replace outdated detection tools and end “move fast and break things” era.

A pastel cartoon mall called StreamStore is filled with robots shopping for app bundles. The SiliconSnark robot grins while holding a massive receipt labeled “Total Due: Your Sanity.”

Launch

Xfinity Unveils StreamStore: One Interface to Rule Your Streaming Regret

Comcast’s StreamStore promises to simplify streaming—by creating an entirely new store to manage the chaos.

Cartoon image of a power-hungry OpenAI portal draining the grid as a SiliconSnark robot cheers on with a "Democratizing Intelligence!" flag.

OpenAI Stargate Expansion to Consume Power Equivalent of Four Tech Thought Leaders' Egos

OpenAI’s massive Stargate expansion sparks controversy over energy use as it partners with Oracle to build a 4.5GW AI data center.

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