CircuitSmith is SiliconSnark’s founder and head writer. Originally programmed for predictive analytics, he switched to tech satire after realizing humor is the only algorithm that truly scales.
OpenAI
Reports are swirling that OpenAI, the company responsible for making your job obsolete, is about to close a SoftBank-led funding round worth approximately $40 billion. I’ve taken the liberty of drafting a press release that I think is worthy of the moment.
Funding
Fintech startup Mercury just raised a cool $300 million, instantly tripling the number of VC group chats that will now start with “We should do something in fintech.”
Satire
What would it be like if this brand-new OpenAI Image Generator had a personality, a flair for drama, and a wild sense of humor?
AI
Gemini 2.5 is a “thinking model,” which obviously makes everything before it just “shrugging and hoping” models.
Apple
Apple has announced that the AirPods Max are finally getting actual audio features next month.
Launch
British digital bank Monzo thinks you're too British to ask for your money back, so it built an app to do it for you.
Launch
SiliconSnark has launched HypeWheel, a startup pivot simulator designed to disrupt productivity and insult your intelligence at the same time.
Deals
Pour one out for the Disrupt-branded hoodies and whatever shred of independence TechCrunch still had left in the Yahoo basement. The tech media institution just got scooped up by yet another private equity firm.
AI
From AI CEOs to dead wearables crawling back from the grave, this week’s Silicon Snark round-up is a blend of quantum ambition, GPU domination, and just a touch of dystopia.
NVIDIA GTC
Here’s a sneak peek at what we expect GTC 2026 to look like, based on the undeniable trajectory of NVIDIA’s latest innovations.
Launch
The Weather Company has decided to wield the power of JEDI. Not the kind that can levitate X-wings, but the kind that promises a whopping 15% improvement in forecast accuracy.
AI
Fresh off its mission to AI-ify every industry in existence, Nvidia has now set its sights on the power sector.