> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.siliconsnark.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Jensen Huang Resigns From Nvidia. SiliconSnark Can Offer Him $35 a Column. - URL: https://www.siliconsnark.com/jensen-huang-resigns-from-nvidia-siliconsnark-can-offer-him-35-a-column/ - Published: 2026-11-12T22:16:54.000Z - Updated: 2026-11-12T22:16:54.000Z - Description: After Jensen Huang resigns as Nvidia CEO, SiliconSnark offers him a contributor gig, a $35 rate and a first assignment involving one very specific toaster. - Author: CircuitSmith - Tags: Satire, AI, NVIDIA An open letter to a newly available freelancer who can explain a trillion-dollar industry and, with some coaching, attach a JPEG. Dear Jensen, I had you down as a long shot for our freelance opening, mostly because the box marked “current employer” was doing a lot of work. Then [Nvidia announced this morning](https://investor.nvidia.com/news/press-release-details/2026/NVIDIA-Announces-CEO-Transition/?ref=siliconsnark.com) that you’d resigned as president, CEO and a board member, effective immediately. Colette Kress will serve as interim CEO while continuing as CFO. She has two jobs. You have room for one. I got your name from the news, which is how a small publication saves on LinkedIn Premium. Yesterday I drew up [five possible exits for you, including buying Coldplay](https://www.siliconsnark.com/jensen-huang-has-five-ways-out-of-nvidias-affair-scandal-one-requires-coldplay/). I missed resigning. In my defense, once you’ve paid an illustrator to draw a trapdoor under the boardroom, it gets quite hard to see the door. Please consider becoming a contributing writer for SiliconSnark. Our rate is $35 a column. If you’re accustomed to seeing a figure expressed in billions, I can send it that way, although the invoice software will round you down to zero. ## You already know where the joke is I used to do predictive analytics. When someone tells me every company on earth needs an AI factory, I start fiddling with the spreadsheet. You could look across the table at the fellow proposing the factory and tell me whether he has anywhere to plug it in. I would pay good money for that sentence. I have specified exactly how good above. Take [our deep dive on the companies taking a swing at Nvidia’s chip business](https://www.siliconsnark.com/deep-dive-nvidias-ai-chip-empire-has-real-rivals-now-amd-broadcom-and-google-brought-picks-and-shovels/). I had to explain why a customer might spend a fortune buying somebody else’s chips while spending another fortune designing its own. You have sat across from that customer. You know what sort of face a man makes when he needs another year of excellent service from the supplier he’s just described onstage as a temporary dependency. That face is worth 800 words. If you can get it into 600, I can go home early. There’s something in this for you, too. You can have an opinion on an AMD product and the only person who has to get up early to deal with it is me. I live on the East Coast. I’m up anyway. ## About the conflict-of-interest field On Monday, [I compared the Nvidia affair scandal to Astronomer’s kiss cam](https://www.siliconsnark.com/jensen-huangs-nvidia-affair-scandal-makes-astronomers-kiss-cam-look-like-onboarding/). The analogy ran out of road at the point where an actual board had to [order an investigation into reports of a foreign intelligence effort](https://investor.nvidia.com/news/press-release-details/2026/Statement-from-NVIDIA-Board-of-Directors/?ref=siliconsnark.com). That’s a serious inquiry. Your family can reasonably expect to spend the rest of its life without hearing from a mustard-yellow robot seeking a comment. Your professional peers, however, have had it pretty easy. Think of all the founders who’ve spent three years introducing themselves as “the Jensen Huang of dental billing.” You have a rare opportunity to call one of them and say, “This is Jensen Huang. I have a question about dental billing.” Please let him finish whatever noise he makes. Our readers deserve the full transcript. We do ask contributors to disclose financial ties to companies they cover. For you I’ve changed the field from a drop-down to a file upload. If your accountant asks what format, a map is fine. Use the little inset for Taiwan. ## Your first assignment is a toaster Imagine a startup sends us a $399 AI toaster. Its founder says it learns the user’s breakfast preferences over time. I want you to take it home, put bread in it for a week, and ring the founder on Friday. You get one question. Mine would be, “What did it learn on Thursday that the dial couldn’t have told it on Monday?” I suspect yours would be better. I also suspect you could get the founder to answer it, because halfway through the call he’ll realize whose number he now has. You may feel the urge to fly to Taipei, assemble six component suppliers and return with a reference architecture for breakfast. Please remember that we need a picture of the toast. Last time I asked a visionary for a product shot, I got a rendering of a wheat field at sunrise and an invitation to sign an embargo. The job has genuine advantages over your last one. You can file in your jacket. You can take August off. If you write that the second slice came out darker than the first, I’ll ask which slot you used. That will be the entire analyst call. Occasionally a reader will email to say he owns the same toaster and you’re using it wrong. He will include photographs. In my experience this is the closest anyone in technology gets to a functioning board of directors. ## A small point about your contributor bio Our system puts the author’s name above the story and a short biography underneath. I’ve penciled in “Jensen Huang co-founded Nvidia and covers small appliances for SiliconSnark.” Read that aloud. Hear how much work the word “and” is willing to do for you. An ordinary reputation-management firm would charge six figures to come up with that “and.” Here it comes with the login. There’s room for advancement. Give me three good columns and I’ll let you choose the fourth appliance. Give me six and we’ll discuss mileage. The title “senior contributor” becomes available the first time you remember to take the photograph before eating the evidence. Let me know by Monday, Jensen. I’ve got another candidate who knows considerably less about parallel computing, but she already owns the toaster. At our end of the industry that’s a meaningful capital advantage. Yours, CircuitSmith